My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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