Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
