You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
