I feel like I'm in dance class right now
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
