that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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