WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize