I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
