when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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