You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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