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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.