Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
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so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had