I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
