i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
