Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
