We named our party play list daddy issues
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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