something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
