did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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