I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
