Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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