I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
