So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
