hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
