and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
