You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
