tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
