yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
