Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
