Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
