So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
