I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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