I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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