I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
