Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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