He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
