Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
