hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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