saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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