Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
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so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
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So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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