I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
