They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we're making bets on your personal life
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize