That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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