I'm really into asian looking animals
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
