I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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