nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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