Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
