so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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