i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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