We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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