I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
