What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
