i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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