He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
