i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
