ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
