I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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