Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Pappa wants mamma naked
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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