just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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