you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
