You made me cry and you don't even care
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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