What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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