I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
